


Even The Stars They Burn

by Voidfish



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, background blupjeans and lupcretia because lup has two hands, shit ton of dramatic irony, the ipre is all in there but they aren't important so i won't tag them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:11:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13421622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voidfish/pseuds/Voidfish
Summary: Davenport grows up with three words written sloppily horizontally on his right wrist: “‘scuse me, Skipper.”He sees Istus’s plans for him, and he says no, thank you.





	1. How Do We Win?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to transdavenport, gothicpixi, and fevermachine for reading over this and making sure it makes some sense!
> 
> Fic title from I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz, chapter title from Sick of Losing Soulmates by Dodie.
> 
> One thing that i didnt put in the tags because i didnt want to take away from the fics about the subject- Davenport is trans in this.
> 
> This was supposed to be 1,000 words until suddenly it wasn't.

Davenport grows up with three words written sloppily horizontally on his right wrist:  _ “‘scuse me, Skipper.” _

He doesn’t like the way people grab at him, asking in hushed whispers to see his mark, to know what his soulmate will one day say. He doesn’t appreciate the importance given to the situation, the gravitas this person he doesn’t know yet already has on his life. That this person has more of a say in his life than even he does.

So he sees Istus’s plans for him, and he says no, thank you. He dodges out of the obvious steps that fate has put in place for him-he ignores his calling to the sea, for fear of finding this person there. The term “skipper” is his call out, there, and he’d like to thank his so called soulmate for being so obvious about the things and places he should avoid.

He still feels the urge to travel, to reach the depths, so he trains his eyes on the sky instead. It’s easy, when he sets his mind to it, to fall in love with the heavens.

His extended family, they speak in hushed tones about him whenever they see him. 

_ “It’s not right,”  _ these gnomes say, _ “to be ignoring fate so blatantly.” _

But Davenport doesn’t need fate.

He has the stars.

\---

Merle Highchurch was told his soulmark was a blessing ever since he was a child, and, because of this, all it ever felt like was a curse. 

The three words,  _ “It’s Captain Davenport,” _ would make it easy to find his soulmate, to find the life that he should lead. He knows a name, he knows an occupation. 

Merle has an easy opening to what the people on the commune call “his happily ever after,” and he runs from it.

He hopes his soulmate won’t mind. Even if they do, Merle can’t help it.

He covers his soulmark, scribbled across a vein on his right wrist, with mud. He wears oversized shirts and hides his hands in them. He prays to have the damned mark removed.

Pan doesn’t answer, but what else is new.

\---

_ T he Institute of Planar Research and Exploration is easy to get into, _ Davenport thinks to himself as he moves into a tiny office,  _ if you’ve spent your whole life preparing for the moment. _

All the studying, the planning, the nights without sleep were worth it - and, Davenport knows, are only just the beginning. The Institute has a rigorous program, especially for pilots, that trained them mentally and physically for all possibilities, for success and for utter failure. This was the beginning of his journey, Davenport knew it, and while it would only get harder from here on, he couldn’t believe it was finally starting.

Davenport trudges forward, for the first time in a long time giving his cursed soulmate no mind.

Of course, even the Institute has gossip and chatter and talks of soulmates. Many of Davenport’s contemporaries have found theirs already, valuing love before work. They look at him as an oddity, asking what he’s doing searching for the skies when his wrist points him towards the sea. Davenport pays them no mind - he hopes his soulmate will forgive him for running. He doesn’t plan to meet them and find out.

\---

Merle grows older, and not a bit wiser, and he begins to hate his soulmark less. The more alone he finds himself in his life the more beautiful it is to think there’s someone out there who might be made for him. Proof on his wrist that he means something to someone, even though they’ve never met.

Even though, if Merle gets his way, they never will. 

Now, Merle is no longer mad at his soulmate, but that doesn’t mean he’s looking for love right now. He’s content to know he’s not alone. 

And if he prays every other day to Pan that his soulmate has a good day, well, that’s just between him and his deity, thank you very much.

\---

Davenport comes out to his family as a man about ten years after joining the IPRE, and they’re nothing if not supportive.

And, when it comes to choosing names, his family see an opportunity for him to keep his soulmate close in mind. 

“I’m not going by Skipper,” he repeats, blushing profusely. It’s moments like these where he’s no longer passive about his mark; he is livid that this person has more control of his actions than even he does. 

He chooses to go by his last name instead, but he chooses his own first name, because it’s his own life, soulmate be damned.

\---

Merle doesn’t think about his soulmark anymore, except for the occasional sleepless night where he wonders what kind of person he’s abandoning. 

He also thinks about them when he’s at a bar, trying to convince some poor sap his soulmate is actually Pan himself. He hopes the bastard knows how difficult they’re making the lie.

When he joins the Institute of Planar Research and Exploration, he doesn’t think of the Captain he might find there. 

Instead, he thinks of the plants he can research. He thinks of the opportunity as a botanist. He thinks of the crazy parties that these bastards have to throw.

He thinks of his future, ignoring his wrist.

\---

Davenport throws himself into his work, and he finds himself at the top of the Institute. He knows the work he’s done, knows he’s the best pilot they have, but even then he’s unprepared for when the Director asks if he’d be in charge of an important mission.

The light, when he first sees it, glimmers so bright it hurts his eyes, but it doesn’t scare him. It reminds him of the path forward.

He sees this opportunity and he runs with it.

\---

Merle should be more careful where he’s going.

In his defense, he’s got a big ass fern blocking his line of sight. He’s rescuing the poor thing from the engineering building (with or without permission) when he bulldozes into someone else.

Merle tries to grab the fern, but he’s not exactly a dexterous man and instead he kicks the pot, sending the plant flying farther. 

There’s the sound of a crash, of the pot breaking, and Merle is up and scrambling in seconds. 

“‘Scuse me, Skipper,” he mutters to the person he bulldozed, pushing back to where his poor plant had landed.

“It’s Captain Davenport,” the voice responds, and Merle’s heart stops. 

Merle turns slowly towards the person he ran into.

He’s a gnome, with wild red hair and, sure enough, the official uniform of a captain on. He’s certainly handsome, but that’s currently not the point.

Merle stands in front of the soulmate he never really wanted and all he can say is: “You better apologize to Susan, Captain.”

Smooth.

His soulmate -  _ no,  _ Captain Davenport - gives him an incredulous glare.

“Are you...are you talking about your plant?” He asks.

“Well, yeah,” Merle responds, hands on his hips. “Y’see anyone else around here who got hurt?”

“I’m sorry about killing you, Susan,” Captain Davenport deadpans before grabbing the clipboard he was holding and trying to leave.

“Whatcha got there?” Merle asks. He’s not trying to be nice, not trying to make this man fall in love with him for sure, but he looks eager to boot and something about that makes Merle upset.

“Official business, which I really should see to,” Captain Davenport says. He looks at Merle for a moment before frowning. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”

And with that, the man turns and he’s quickly swallowed by the milling sea of scientists.

Merle realizes he never gave the man his name.

\---

There is no time to rest as the deadline for Davenport’s interplanetary mission gets closer and closer. 

There is surely no time for soulmates.

Davenport had been careful, had been calculated, in avoiding the plans that someone else had made for him, and along the way he had fallen into them.

He reassures himself that there’s no way he’ll find this man again - the chances, in the large university, of running into him are so slim.

Besides, even if Davenport wanted to find him, he doesn’t know his name.

He returns, instead, to his work. To the applications for his mission.

He returns to what he knows best.

\---

Merle does something impulsive and reckless.

He was considering applying for this particular mission before, but he couldn’t find it in himself to fill out the paperwork.

A day before the deadline, Merle Highchurch completes the registration for the mission of his soulmate; a man that, he’s fairly sure, wants nothing to do with him.

He wants to go back to the people who told him he was lucky, that his future was crystal clear, and tell them to kiss his ass.

\---

Interviews for the interplanar mission (they really needed a better name, but that involves a crew) were in full motion.

The first cut of applications were through, and this round of interviews would help narrow down the pool of applicants further. 

The interviews were scheduled depending on the position the person was applying for, leaving Davenport a day full of interviewing clerics.

It was important to have a healer on board the ship, even if it was only a brief mission, but most clerics he found were overly obsessed with finding their god on the mission. 

It was dangerous, to have someone whose powers were based on belief, if their belief wasn’t strong enough.

Who knew what they would find out there, in space? Davenport didn’t need evangelism, didn’t need curiosity, he needed devotion. He needed ridiculous, downright stupid faith.

He had one more interview to do before he could call it a night, a worshiper of Pan named Merle Highchurch. A beach dwarf, a biologist as well as a man of the cloth. And, he realizes with horror as the man is escorted into his office, his soulmate.

“Hey, Cap,” the man greets him, grinning.

Davenport clears his throat. “Merle, is it?”

Merle blinks before nodding. “Oh, yeah! Yup, that’s me. Sorry, shoulda told you when we first met, but you ran pretty quickly.”

Davenport shakes his head. “Let’s not-let’s not mention it. You’re here for a very important position. Let’s talk about that.”

Merle just smiles. “Ask me anything,” he chuckles.

_ “Why did you have to find me?”  _ Davenport thinks.

“Tell me about your faith,” he says instead.

\---

Merle is surprised to find himself as part of Captain Davenport’s mission.

There were better biologists on campus, and there were definitely better clerics. Plus, he was pretty sure the Captain had something against him.

He certainly wasn’t going to complain about being accepted, of course, but he didn’t know why or how Captain Davenport could make an error like that.

\---

Davenport finds the team’s cleric alone a month into training.

“Oh, hey, Captain,” Merle says as he notices the gnome approaching.

“Hi, Merle,” Davenport starts, trying to swallow his nerves. “Could we talk for a moment?”

Merle nods, following Davenport as he directs the two of them back to his office.

“So, what,” Merle starts, looking around, “is this when we start making out?”

“What?” Davenport squeaks, face turning the shade of his hair. “No! That’s-that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Merle. I think…” Davenport breathes deeply, in through his nose and out through his mouth, to try to calm down. “I think this looks familiar?” He shows Merle his soulmark.

Merle doesn’t gasp, or defend, or anything along those lines. He simply nods and shows his own mark, confirming Davenport’s worst fear. 

“Shit,” Davenport whispers. 

Merle, thank the gods, doesn’t complain, doesn’t get upset by Davenport’s atypical reaction, doesn’t tell him that he’s not a catch, either. Instead he nods. “Pretty much,” he agrees.

Davenport leans back against his desk, thinking. “I’m sorry, Merle, but I’m not looking for-”

“Me neither!” Merle interrupts. 

The two look at each other for a moment before they burst into relieved laughter. They end up on the floor by Davenport’s desk, curled close together and crying in relief. 

“So,” Davenport says, wiping his eyes and trying to regain a sense of control. “Are we going to be okay?”

Merle just grins and nods.

\---

Their world is swallowed. And somehow, life goes on. 

\---

Barry shouts something, a few minutes after they enter this new plane, about his wrist. Merle comes forward, expecting to see some sort of injury. 

Barry looks him in the eye, shocked. “The words changed,” he says softly to Merle.

Lup leans in forward. “No way, let me see,” she says, scooting forward and cupping Barry’s arm in her hand as he tries to protest.

Written on his wrist are the words  _ “No way, let me see.” _

Merle checks his own wrist, and finds the words he’d been dreading his whole life have changed. 

They now read:  _ “Merle, is everything alright?” _

And moments later, that’s what their captain asks him.

\---

A new plane, Barry rationalizes, means a new set of words from your soulmate.

\---

Davenport knows, reasonably, why he and Merle are the best choice for retrieving the light. Together, their skills combined make them a fearsome team navigating the forest, and Davenport sees it fit that he goes after the light himself.

He doesn’t take into account how strange it is to be alone with Merle.

The first few days, he tries his best to be his captain, to keep a professional distance between them, but there’s something about Merle that makes him want to break those walls down. He had checked and made sure that his teammates were all compatible with each other, he had to in order to be sure the bond engine would work properly for the mission, but he had never added himself to the equation.

After his time with Merle, he has no doubt that the engine should be running well.

\---

Merle, on his expedition with Capn’port, realizes something important. 

He may know his captain, but he doesn’t Davenport at all. There’s almost two sides to the man, the Captain and the gnome. 

Capn’port hides his grins, tries to remain in control, tries to remain a superior for as long as he can.

Davenport snorts when he laughs too hard, his face turning red as his hair. He wheezes, too, a delightful sound that Merle can’t help but chuckle at when he hears it. 

Capn’port thinks it would be best to take the least amount of rations, instead offering some of his to Merle. He claims this is what any commander would do.

Davenport tries the berries that Merle swears are safe, delighted by the sweet taste, his eyes widening as he realizes that Merle was right about something.

Capn’port he can’t love, only respect.

Davenport, though? Davenport, he realizes, is his soulmate.

\---

It’s the beach cycle when Merle approaches Davenport, drinking alone.

This cycle, Merle has got on his wrist “ _ Merle?”  _ and Davenport has  _ “I’m still alive and kicking.” _

There’s something soft about the way his name looks in Davenport’s scribbled handwriting.

“Mind if I join?” Merle asks. He’s wearing one of his tacky floral shirts with bright green swim trunks. 

Davenport simply smiles and gestures towards the spot next to him.

Merle groans, complaining as he maneuvers next to Davenport. “Gotta say, Cap, drinking alone is pretty sad. Good thing for you that I’m here now.”

Davenport laughs at that. “I was enjoying some time off.”

Merle thinks on that, brows furrowing, “Yeah, you don’t get a lot of that do you?” Davenport nods, trying to get the tension out of his shoulders. “Tell you what, Dav,” Merle finally decides, “anytime you need a break, I’ll take over being captain for you.”

Davenport wheezes at that, bending over. He looks back, grinning with tears in his eyes. Merle pretends to be offended. “You think you could do that, Merle?”

“Hell no,” Merle admits. “But I wanted to make you laugh.”

Davenport smiles at that, a soft and gentle smile that makes Merle’s heart skip a beat. “I needed that, Merle,” he says, raising his bottle for a drink. Merle reaches his hand out and fist bumps the glass, as if Davenport were asking for a toast. Davenport laughs again. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Davenport says, gazing at the sun lowering itself into the ocean.

_ “Fuck, I think I love you” _ Merle wants to say. 

“Me neither, buddy,” is what he replies.

\---

It’s Lucretia who asks him about it.

“I wanted to know for the records,” she starts as she pours him tea, “what your relationship with Merle is.”

Davenport blushes. “Is that what this is about?”

Lucretia looks down, not able to make eye contact. She plays with her fingernails. “I won’t tell anyone else - although they are betting on the nature of the relationship. I just wanted to know.”

“Lucretia,” Davenport asks, hands running briefly through his hair, “what is this really about?”

Lucretia bites her lip before looking up at him. “Do you know who my soulmate is?”

Davenport shakes his head. “It’s impolite to ask.”

Lucretia breathes deeply before pulling down her sleeve and showing Davenport her wrist. On it are three simple words: 

_ “You good, Creesh?” _

Davenport looks back up at Lucretia who’s fiercely blushing. “If you’re asking my permission to try to, erm, date Lup? You don’t need it, Lucretia. You’re a grown woman.”

Lucretia shakes her head. “Barry has her. I noticed Merle’s mark, and well, I wanted to know if it was possible. To not love your soulmate.”

Davenport scoots out of his chair, instead moving closer to Lucretia. “It’s possible,” he says carefully. “I’ve seen it before. But Lucretia, if you want this to happen? You have to do something.”

Lucretia nods, preparing to leave before she turns. “You never answered my question.”

Davenport pauses from where he was cleaning the table. “I’ve always believed the mission comes first,” he starts. “And, what you’re suggesting? That gets in the way of my duties as captain.”

Lucretia shakes her head. “A wise man told me thirty seconds ago that if you want something to happen, you have to do something.”

Davenport smiles, but that thought sticks with him throughout the day.

_ \--- _

When your soulmate dies, your soulmark scars over. Everyone knows that.

What they don’t tell you is how much it hurts. 

The rest of the team don’t have time to react to Merle’s cloud dissipating before they see Davenport fall, clutching his wrist.

Barry, Lup, and Lucretia help him to his feet. They all know how it feels. Taako and Magnus stand back, and Magnus is the first to verbalize what they all know is true.

“Hey guys? Merle’s gone,” Magnus says, eyes wide staring towards where his friend should be.

“Are you okay?” Lucretia asks Davenport, softly.

He grimaces and nods. “It’s for the mission,” he says.

Lucretia, thankfully, doesn’t say anything, and the cycle continues without Merle.

\---

Merle is thrust back into existence, and when he looks at his wrist he can tell he’s in trouble.

He had been told last cycle to wait until later to initiate Parley, but it was pointless. He was pointless, without it. He had thought that Davenport, Mr. “The Mission Comes First”, would understand.

“Merle, you and I need to have a fucking chat,” Davenport snarls as he maneuvers them out of danger.

Taako wolf whistles in the background. “Someone’s in trouble…”

Merle can’t find it in himself to laugh.

\---

Davenport slams the door behind him as he and Merle enter Davenport’s quarters.

It’s a small room, but Davenport doesn’t mind. He doesn’t have much that he needs in his room, hadn’t brought much with him on their expedition.

Merle, the ass, sits down on the bed. “So, what’s the matter, Cap’n?”   


Davenport fights down a scream, fights down the rage filling him slowly. It’s better than the sadness threatening to overtake him, but just barely. 

“You directly disobeyed my orders,” Davenport starts, keeping his tone neutral. “That can’t happen again, Merle. I told you to wait to parley.”

Merle simply shrugs. “Frankly, Cap, what’s the point in waiting? I’m not gonna make much difference here.”

“It’s a year without you, Merle. You don’t know what that’s like.”

Merle looks away, hiding his face. “Eh. Can’t be that bad.”

“Of course it’s that bad,” Davenport exclaims, face heating up. “We need you Merle. I need you.”

“Well, why do you care so much?” Merle asks.

“Because I love you, you jackass.” The words are out of Davenport’s mouth before he can stop them.

Merle looks at him in horror for just a moment, and Davenport decides to be brave.

“I know, I said when we met that the universe was wrong and I wouldn’t get attached, but-”

He’s interrupted by Merle’s lips against his own. 

They stay in that room, exploring a love that wasn’t really new, for a long time.

Merle stays for most of that cycle.

\---

Davenport finds Lucretia alone, around cycle 50.

“I followed my own advice,” he smiles, “and I suggest you try the same.”

Lucretia frowns at him. “What if the universe made a mistake?”

Davenport simply shrugs. “Then we find a way to move forward. You’ve got to have hope, Lucretia. We can beat this. We can be happy. But we can’t sit back and do nothing. We can’t wait for change.”

Lucretia nods, standing up. “We’ve got to make change,” she finishes.    


Davenport smiles at his teammate - no, his friend. “You’ve got this, Lucretia.”

\---

“So,” Merle starts as he climbs into bed, “a little birdy told me you gave Lucretia a pep talk to finally ask Lup out.”

Davenport narrows his eyes. “Would this birdy happen to be Lucretia?”

Merle grins sheepishly. “I dunno, it’s a mystery,” he says, in a way that makes it clear that Davenport is correct. “But she wanted me to tell you that you were right. I said not to inflate your ego, but she insisted.”

Davenport laughs, snuggling closer to Merle. It’s the quiet moments like this, the moments where the Hunger isn’t important, when all that matters is that Merle is pressed against him, that Davenport thanks the gods that he found his soulmate.

“You’re an ass,” Davenport whispers, fighting back the smile in his voice.

“Yeah,” Merle admits, “but you love me.”

“I do,” Davenport admits. “I really do, Merle.”

\---

The new cycle starts with Merle’s scream.

“I can’t go back there,” Merle says, breathless, and Davenport’s heart breaks for him. This is a side of Merle they rarely see, the breathless and shaking, the almost faithless side. It scares him. “Dav, I’m sorry, I can’t-”

“You don’t have to,” Davenport responds. It’s a shame that for a year these will be the words engrained on him, but he can make sure that his response to Merle is better. “You don’t have to, Merle, you’re safe.”

\---

Barry, Lup, and Lucretia have a game at the beginning of each cycle, saying the most ridiculous things they can to each other.

Lup starts it, turning to Barry after the reset and greeting him: “Hello, metal husband.”

“What does that mean?” Barry responds in turn, and then the two of them are laughing hysterically.

After Lucretia’s confession, she joins in on the shenanigans.

Magnus and Taako, who each don’t have a soulmark, complain that they can’t do the same prank. The two make it a tradition, even though they’re not in love, to do the same and get tattoos of the words they say each plane. It’s helpful, as some places unfortunately don’t trust those without marks.

Davenport and Merle have a simpler system in place, in the later cycles, for what their first words to each other will be.

Davenport lands the ship, calling the crew for a “briefing,” which is mostly just a cuddle pile on one of the couches on the ship.

Merle will see Davenport, and smile. “‘Scuse me, Skipper,” he’ll say as the two navigate the ship.

Davenport will smile and respond, “It’s Captain Davenport.” 

For a long time, they had fought against their marks, against what others told them to be. Instead, they fell in love at their own pace, on their own time.

Now, the words they choose displayed on their wrists are not burdens, but instead reminders. Of what they have, what they fight for. 

Of who they love.

\---

Cycle 99. Magnus reforms and screams.

“I have a mark,” he cries, tears rushing down his face. “I’ve got a mark.”

The team rushes together to see Magnus’s wrist which, sure enough, reads  _ “Nice to mag you too, Meetnus. I’m Julia.” _

“Sorry, Taako,” Magnus laughs, wiping his tears away.

Taako, who has been silent this entire time, finally speaks up. “Nah, homie, I got one too.”

Taako shows his wrist, which reads  _ “Well it looks like you two aren’t on the naughty list, so it uh, looks like it’s just three of you, on a one way trip back to the astral plane.”  _ The mark is scarred through.

Lup looks at his arm and grimaces. “That, uh, doesn’t look that great, bro.”

Taako shakes his head, grinning from ear to ear. “Nah, ch’boy’s got this.”

“This is it,” Barry says, smiling kindly at the two of them. “This has gotta be it. This is our new home.”

\---

Davenport and Merle don’t think much about it, as they trade their usual words, that this is it. This is their last soulmark. It’s fitting that their final mark is the same as their first.

\---

Something is wrong with all of them, Davenport thinks to himself, but especially something is wrong with Lucretia. Ever since Lup’s disappearance, Barry and Taako had been single-mindedly searching for her, but Lucretia held back. She was becoming more and more distant, spending more time in her room writing. 

She was grieving, Davenport knew, but what was the point of mourning someone who wasn’t dead?

He raps against her door, and for a minute there is simply silence. The sound of paper rustling stops, the room is eerily silent, and Davenport worries something is wrong.

And then movement continues, and Lucretia opens the door for him.

“How can I help you, captain?” She asks.

She looks terrible, bags under her eyes, white hair coming undone from a loose bun she had put it in

“Lucretia,” he starts, voice soft. “When’s the last time you had something to eat?” 

She blinks at him, astonished by his question, before turning. “I have work to do.”

“Let us help you,” Davenport starts. He knows that when the door closes the conversation is over, that this is his only chance to save Lucretia from herself. “I don’t wanna lose you too.”

Lucretia flinches at that, but she stops moving towards the door. “We fucked up, Davenport,” she finally says, voice low and filled with hurt. “We royally fucked up this time.”

“I know,” Davenport responds. “I know, but there’s nothing we can do-”

“We can’t sit back and do nothing. We can’t wait for change.” Lucretia says, eyes sharp and tone cold. “You said that, captain, and you were right. We’ve got to make change.”

And with that, Lucretia closes the door.

\---

Merle smiles at the man in front of him, the love of his life, and starts to shuffle the deck of cards in front of them.

“Yooker sound good?” Merle asks, and Davenport nods.

The play in silence a few rounds, before Davenport speaks.

“Holy shit...I think it’s my birthday.”

\---

Lucretia finishes writing, finishes polishing her work, and she stands. There’s something melancholy in her movements as she goes towards the tank. 

“We can beat this,” she tells herself, pushing the journals into the tank. “We can be happy.”


	2. How Did I Miss You (When I Didn't Know You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merle Highchurch grew up with an odd soulmark. The people on the commune would tell him he was lucky that he had a name to go off of, that he had an opportunity to go find his soulmate, but he didn’t feel the same.   
> And then there was the issue of the missing piece of his mark. There was something there, he was sure, but he just couldn’t read it no matter what he tried.   
> The mark read: “It’s C̷̜̩͚̣̋̀̓̏͠ǎ̸̦͇̲͚̅p̷̧̭̮̹̅̄t̶̖͆̉å̷͙͐̉i̶͍͔̬̱͋̓ͅn̷̫̖͙̋̓̚ Davenport.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's where there's a shit ton of dramatic irony.
> 
> Shout out to the Taz Fic Writers Discord for giving me names for the plants. 
> 
> I also named a plant after myself because I could.
> 
> Chapter title from When You Sleep by Mary Lambert

 

Merle Highchurch grew up with an odd soulmark. The people on the commune would tell him he was lucky that he had a name to go off of, that he had an opportunity to go find his soulmate, but he didn’t feel the same. 

And then there was the issue of the missing piece of his mark. There was something there, he was sure, but he just couldn’t read it no matter what he tried. 

The mark read:  _ “It’s C̷̜̩͚̣̋̀̓̏͠ǎ̸̦͇̲͚̅p̷̧̭̮̹̅̄t̶̖͆̉å̷͙͐̉i̶͍͔̬̱͋̓ͅn̷̫̖͙̋̓̚ Davenport.” _

Merle tried to ignore his soulmark. He ran from his destiny. He found a woman on the beach and he married her.

Hekuba had a soulmark, and it wasn’t scarred over, either. “I met him” Hekuba explains one night as the two drink together, “and I realized there was a mistake.”

“So you think we might be soulmates?” Merle asks, and Hekuba laughs.

“I don’t think so,” she admits, “but I think we can give each other what the other needs.”

Merle sees what Hekuba could want from him-freedom, in a sense. A family. Help around the house. A simple, normal life for a family to grow old and die together.

Merle runs from it.

When asked at bars and taverns he would tell people he was looking for his soulmate, and they would leave him be. It would make sense, at Merle’s age, to be frantic to be find them. The sooner the better, the dwarves would always tell him. 

It was harder to explain that Merle was running from himself, from the normalcy that felt poisonous to even consider. He was running directionless, aimlessly, a broken cleric trying to have faith that things would end up okay.

When he meets Taako and Magnus, Merle simply lets himself be led toward the adventure. He has to believe that there’s something at the end of this path that will help to ease the burning in his chest. He has to. 

Faith is all he has left.

\---

Davenport looks at the mark on his wrist in confusion. He knows what it is, what it means, and he can read the words, but thinking about it too long sends him into another headache.

_ “‘Scuze me, Skipper,”  _ the mark reads. He feels happy, looking at the words on his wrist, but he can’t think about it for too long. There’s the ghost of a story there, he can feel it. The remnants of something powerful. He doesn’t know how he ended up this way, doesn’t have the words to ask. Lucretia had told him, in soft whispers as she wiped tears from her cheeks, that she was going to fix this. He assumes that means him. He wants to tell her that it’s okay, that she’s doing her best and he can be strong for her.

“Davenport,” is what he says instead.

Sometimes Lucretia finds him staring at his wrist in astonishment, and she wishes she could have placed them together. But it was too dangerous, to ask Merle to care for a man he didn’t know anymore. A man who couldn’t speak, whose brain had been shattered by her.

“We find a way to move forward,” she reminds herself, and she tries to follow her Captain’s advice.

\---

Merle isn’t sure what’s stranger, that he’s on the moon or that standing in front of him is his soulmate.

Madame Director was an imposing woman, and yet her smile was soft as she regarded the trio in front of her, welcoming them to the Bureau of Balance.

He listens with mild interest to her introduction to the Bureau, to their purpose, waiting for something to catch his attention when the Director calls out a name that he’s memorized all his life. 

“Davenport!” Madame Director calls, and Merle almost imagines that she smiles at him before someone walks into the room.

He’s a gnome, with wild red hair and the official uniform of the Bureau of Balance on, including a bracer. He’s certainly handsome, but that’s currently not the point.

The man holds a silver tray with three bags of coins. Taako and Magnus grab their own bags, but Merle is mesmerized, staring at the gnome.

He’s never met anyone by the name of Davenport before, but it could be a fluke. Fate loves to laugh at the stupid, after all.

Then eyes are on him as he stands there, dumbly. He blushes and moves forward, grabbing his own bag.

“‘Scuze me, Skipper,” Merle mutters as he reaches towards the man in front of him.

There’s a soft gasp from the Director as Davenport’s eyes snap up. They’re a gorgeous, electric green that send a shiver down Merle’s spine.

“It’s...Davenport,” the gnome responds, face red.

There’s a pause before the Director clears her throat. The two men move apart, quickly. 

They’re too embarrassed to notice her sad smile. 

\---

Lucretia doesn’t know if Davenport and Merle can fall in love again. She wants to help them, wants to give them some semblance of what they had, but Merle has changed. And Davenport is getting worse everyday their old friends stay on the base. What was once a limited vocabulary has now shrunk until a single word is all he can say. 

It’s safer, she decides, to wait. She’s close. She’s getting so close to ending this.

\---

The next time Merle meets Davenport he literally runs into him.

It’s an accident; Merle’s not checking where he’s going, too worried about getting the ficus that he stole from the quad to his room before anyone catches him.

(He doesn’t know why he’s doing this, but it’s so simple, so easy to just grab the container and run.)

He doesn’t notice the gnome until he runs into him, the two crashing together.

_ We’ve gotta stop doing this, _ Merle thinks, and before he can stop and wonder what that thought means there’s the sound of the plant hitting the ground.

“Shit,” Merle mutters as he rushes to check his plant. 

Davenport scrambles to join him, surveying the damage. 

“I-Davenport,” the gnome splutters.

“Don’t worry about it,” Merle says, checking his plant. “Charlie’s gonna be fine.” Merle starts picking up the broken pieces of pottery and is surprised to find the gnome beside him carefully helping. “It’s fine, I got this. Not the first pot I’ve broken.”

Davenport shakes his head. His expression is determined. “Davenport,” he replies. 

“I get that’s your name, buddy.”

Davenport blushes. He shakes his head, looking at Merle, embarrassed. “I’m… Davenport,” the gnome finally settles on, quickly collecting the scraps on the ground.

It takes a second for it to click with Merle. “Oh. Is that all you can say?”

Davenport nods. He slouches into himself, furiously working on the task in front of him. He looks embarrassed. 

“Gotcha, buddy. Sorry for giving you grief,” is all Merle responds, smiling at Davenport when he looks up. Davenport hesitantly smiles back. “You mind helping me carry this shit to my place?”

Davenport shakes his head, and before Merle can ask whether that was a “no i don’t mind” or a “no I don’t want to,” Davenport has gathered the largest pieces of pottery in his arms, eagerly waiting for Merle to lead the way.

“Alright,” Merle laughs. “Follow me.”

\---

Merle’s room is a nightmare.

Just being in there is giving Davenport a headache, although he can’t tell if it’s because of the room or if it’s one of his special headaches, the ones that come with static. 

Sometimes those come and he can’t move, he can barely exist because he’s drowning in static, but Lucretia always knows what to do on those days and she’ll hold him tight, singing to him in her own friendly static until he is alive again.

Today is not that bad, so Davenport moves forward, setting the pieces of Merle’s shattered pot on his drawer.

Taako, Magnus, and Merle are currently in the other suite on the base, the first one belonging to Davenport and Lucretia. 

Merle’s clothing is thrown on the floor, a single button down hanging out of his drawer. Trash is also lining the ground, but Merle weaves with practice around the wrappers and boxes on the ground. 

There are plants near the bed, dozens of different types.

Merle sees Davenport eyeing the plants. He grins in reply. “Aw, you wanna meet my plants?” Davenport nods. “That’s Albee, that’s Fanny,” he starts as he gestures to two hydrangeas, “and those are Darling, Baby, and Mary Jane.” For the first two he points at a pair of cactuses. The third plant appears to be an aloe vera.

“Davenport,” Davenport greets the plants.

“You like plants?” Merle asks.

Davenport stops. He, honestly, doesn’t know whether he likes plants or not. There are things like that, some off the wall opinions that he must have known at some point but he doesn’t anymore. He thinks about it, really considers it.    
“Davenport,” he replies, shrugging.

Merle smiles, moving back to sit on his bed. “Well, that’s not a dealbreaker,” he says.

Davenport doesn’t know what that means or why it has his heart racing.

“What do you like?” Merle asks. “Shit, sorry, you don’t have to-”

“B-boats,” Davenport manages to say. He feels a little dizzy, but Merle’s smile is worth the pain.

“Boats, huh? Never pegged you as a sailor. I can see it now, though.”

There’s something weird about that thought. He knew he would never be a sailor, but there was a reason for that, a story, 

He doesn’t have that story anymore.

“Thanks for the help with Charlie,” Merle says. He looks as if he has more he wants to say. “You can stay, eh, if you want, but I get if you got other places to be.”

Davenport simply smiles and sits on the bed next to Merle. He doesn’t have anywhere to go. 

“Alright,” Merle smiles. He scoots next to Davenport. The two are so close that Davenport can see the flicks of hazel in Merle’s brown eyes. Merle smiles.

Davenport smiles back. 

He points to the nearest plant.

Merle chuckles. “You wanna hear about Audrey Two? Well, they’re my venus fly trap…”

\---

Merle would run into Davenport every now and then on the moon. If the two were free, they’d chat every now and then. There were a few times where Merle would invite Davenport back into his room, and a few when Davenport would do the same. 

The two grow close, despite their different schedules, despite the barriers in their way, despite the odds.

Lucretia watches this and she wonders if part of what she broke could fix itself.

\---

Merle finds Davenport one night gazing at the stars. His eyes are soft, the calmest they’ve ever been, and he seems content. 

“Hey buddy,” Merle greets. Davenport jumps at that, ears twitching, but once he realizes it’s only Merle he relaxes against the grass, a tired grin growing on his face. “Mind if I join you?” Merle asks.

Davenport’s smile widens. “Davenport,” he says, gesturing to a spot next to him. Merle crouches down, aching at the strain it pulls on his back. Davenport, the ass, simply snickers. 

“Hey, leave me alone,” Merle gripes. “I’m old!”

This sends Davenport into a fit of giggles. The gnome ends up laughing so hard he snorts, and then he starts wheezing. It’s the first time he’s heard the noise, Merle thinks to himself, and it’s beautiful. Merle laughs along. 

Davenport wipes tears from his eyes, and Merle fakes annoyance. “Aw, c’mon, it wasn’t that funny.” Merle can’t help but break character and it sends both of them back into laughter. It’s the longest either of them have laughed in a long time.

The Director had been working the Reclaimers to death, in preparation for their next and final assignment. Merle didn’t know what it was they were coming across, but Lucretia seemed worried, and he didn’t want that to happen. He cared for her, in a way he couldn’t explain. They were friends, he thought. He wasn’t sure if she felt the same way, though.

The gnome giggling in front of him, however? He was sure that they were friends. 

After all, they would never talk about it, but they were soulmates.

Merle thought about that sometimes, about what the universe intended when it set the two of them up. If Pan, or Istus, or whoever knew what they were doing.

Because Merle wasn’t sure he could be good, and sweet, and everything Davenport needed. He wasn’t witty, wasn’t young, wasn’t really much of anything.

He could at least make him laugh; and if there’s one thing the gnome had earned, it was a laugh.

Davenport acted silly occasionally, but he carried himself with a weight that went unnoticed to most. He tried so hard to help Lucretia, to keep her happy and stable, and he couldn’t. 

Merle can relate with Davenport about the things that neither of them can do.

“So,” Merle says, as he lowers himself so he’s laying on the grass. “Any plans for when this is all over?”

Davenport turns over towards him, so that he’s lying on his side facing the dwarf, and before Merle can apologize the he speaks. “T-the beach,” Davenport manages to say, smiling through the pain that shoots through his head. Merle smiles back. 

“I’m a fan of the beach, too,” Merle says, fighting past a nasty headache that’s starting to creep up on him. “It’s always interesting. Always changing, y’know?”

Davenport nods. He takes his shaking hand, and carefully places a finger on Merle’s chest.

“What, have I got something on my shirt?” Merle asks. Davenport shakes his head and pokes the same place again. “Oh. Are you trying to say me?” Davenport nods vigorously. Merle laughs a little at that, a melancholy sound that doesn’t suite his normally upbeat style. 

“I don’t think I’m like the ocean, buddy,” Merle says. “And if I am, it’s ‘cuz we’re both crusty.”

Davenport shakes his head. His eyes are hypnotizing this close, fierce and determined and so incredibly honest. “B-beautif-ful.” 

Merle can feel the heat rising to his face, can feel the cold of the night, can feel the grass against him as he forces himself to take a breath. “Me?”

Davenport nods. His face is growing crimson but he refuses to look away from Merle and the dwarf in that moment realizes how brave this man in front of him is. And, in that moment, Merle decides he can be brave, too. 

“Would it be alright,” Merle asks, “if I, erm, I kiss you?”

Davenport simply nods. 

And Merle closes the distance between them. 

\---

Merle is sent into the Felicity Wilds to retrieve the Animus Bell. Lucretia swears that they’ll be fine, but Davenport knows what it looks like when she lies. 

He steals a plant from the cafeteria the first day after Merle leaves. It looked so sad, he couldn’t help it, he grabbed it and ran with it to his room. 

He doesn’t have a name for it, yet, but he’s not worried. Merle will help to name it, help him to take care of the plant, when the dwarf gets back. And after that? Who knows.

\---

Merle remembers a century of running and fighting and family.

He remembers falling in love the first time, and it colors the way he thinks of how he fell in love the second time.

Merle remembers, and that’s what he focuses on. That he’s back. 

\---

_ Drink _ , a voice commands, and Davenport obeys.

It feels like a knife through his brain, like the end of the world, before he puts the flask down. 

And then everything returns, and he has so many feelings at once.

_ Anger, love, sadness, pity, confusion, regret, rage. _

“Lu-Lucretia,” he gasps, “what have you done?”

\---

Davenport, after a century of his life being his mission, and a decade without, is back in control. It’s the end of the world all over again, and that means there’s no time to wait, no time for the anger and reconciliation that will come after they win.

After a century of learning how to loosen up, Davenport is rigid again. It’s the apocalypse, there’s no time to lose.    
There’s no time for soulmates.

\---

Merle’s back in a familiar room. He should feel scared, he knows. Merle is either too brave or too stupid. Perhaps a combination.

“You, Merle?” John laughs with him at him. “You have kids?”

“Yup, I got kids,” Merle grins. “And a soulmate too, but those aren’t really related, y’know?”

John nods, a small smile on his face. “I know it may sound insincere, but Merle, I am so happy for you.”

“Aw, thanks, bud,” Merle says. “You got a soulmark?”

John’s smile grows melancholy. “Most worlds do.” He shakes his head, looking past Merle’s head. “Yes, I had a soulmark. He was...well, Merle, he meant a lot to me.”

“Where’s he now?”

John shakes his head. “Somewhere in here.”

Merle takes a pawn in his hand, debating where to place it. “When’s the last time you talked to him?”

John laughs, but it’s not a happy sound. “There aren’t conversations in here, Merle, like there is out there. The last time we really spoke was when the Hunger formed.”

Merle smiles at John. “Love really changes things, doesn’t it, Johnny boy?”

John smiles back. “It does. But sometimes, Merle,” he says as he moves a knight in the perfect position for Merle to take it, “not even love can save you.”

Merle moves his pawn away without taking the knight. “I wouldn’t go that far, pal.”

\---

No one’s quite sure what to do when the Hunger is defeated. There’s a pause, as Faerun holds its breath, daring the chaos to start again.

And then Angus Mcdonald breaks the stillness, and there is celebration.

Merle moves through the crowd, searching, and he finds most of the birds congregated together, Taako holding one of Lup’s spectral hands, Barry attempting to hold the other. Magnus is talking to Carey and Killian, Lucretia under his hand.

And next to them, grinning like a madman with a twinkle in his eye, is Davenport. 

The two lock eyes, and there’s a moment of fear that the distance between them is too great.    


But then Merle grins, and Davenport moves, the two meeting in the middle for a kiss.

“W-we won,” Davenport grins as they pull away.

“Told you we would,” Merle responds.

Davenport shakes his head. “I sh-should have listened, should have listened to you, then.”

Merle laughs at that. “About time someone did,” he teases, and then they’re kissing again.

\---

“Are you sure you gotta go?” Merle asks, pouring two cups of wine.

Davenport nods. “I w-wanna stay, I do. I just - I just have to figure out who I am.”

“I get it,” Merle says, handing one glass to Davenport. He takes a sip out of his own. “I’m just gonna miss you.”

Davenport smiles, placing a hand on Merle’s hand. “I’ll miss you, too. I’ll wr-write.”

Merle nods, swinging an arm over Davenport’s shoulder. The two lean into each other’s touch.

Davenport looks at Merle’s wrist, dangling in front of him, and smiles. “I could’nt ha-have, couldn’t have done this without you, you know?”

“Aw, c’mon,” Merle teases, “you could’ve. Just wouldn’t have been as much fun.”

Davenport shakes his head. “I love you, Merle.”

Merle smiles, placing a kiss on the top of Davenport’s head. “I love you, too. Tell you what, when you get back from sailing we’re gonna host a big party, ok? There’ll be music, and dancing, and lots of booze.”

Davenport laughs at that, leaning his head against Merle’s shoulder. “O-okay,” he smiles. 

There’s a lull of comfortable silence before Merle laughs. Davenport looks up in confusion.

“Sorry,” Merle says through laughter, “it’s just-I always pegged you as a sailor, y’know?”

Davenport laughs. “It’s t-time, time I stop running from what I want. And when I get - get home, you’ll be there.”

“Just don’t keep me waiting too long, jackass,” Merle mutters, and Davenport laughs again.

They spend all night curled together like that.

\---

The first postcard arrives two months after he ships off. 

The front is of a loud and cramped beach, the picture filled with people living their lives, enjoying their vacations. It’s a moment captured out of time. 

_ I love you,  _ is all that is written on the back. 

And it’s signed:  _ Joyfully yours, Davenport. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this!!! I love you!

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is @infernaltwink, come yell with me about Davenchurch!


End file.
